dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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