Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
