Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
