HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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