Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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