Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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