she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just googled if crying burns calories
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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