I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We got so high we made milksteak
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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