You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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