i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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