yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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