and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
