The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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