Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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