I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
