i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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