anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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