I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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