How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
