physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
