we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
