I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
