so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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