What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
