I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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