if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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