It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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