I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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