This house was built for laser tag.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
