GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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