If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
