we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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