My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
