I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
