Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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