It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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