just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
