he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
