I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
