Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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