Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
