I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
