it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
