i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
never play flip cup with pint glasses
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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