I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have aggressive nipples.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
