He felt like a one man threesome
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
