Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
