Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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