Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
