I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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