It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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