Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
