That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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