Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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