well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
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We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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