She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
