this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
