So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
