is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
