I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
