How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
