shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
