My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
