I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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