i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
do herpes really smell.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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