i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize