am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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