I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My balls are so social today.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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