All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
