Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
