guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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