Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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